What Truly Matters? A Question Grief Refuses to Let Us Ignore

Few things in life are certain except, as the saying goes, death and taxes. Yet there is one certainty even more absolute: nothing material or self-made crosses into eternity. No gold, no silver, no bitcoin. No earthly accomplishments. Even our good deeds, if done apart from faith in Christ, carry no lasting weight.

That’s why Tennessee Governor Bill Lee’s words from his keynote at the National Prayer Breakfast resonate so deeply: “There are very few things in life that matter, and we have to be about those things.”

After the sudden loss of his first wife, Carol Ann, in a 2000 horseback-riding accident, he found her lifeless on the ground at their home, Governor Lee and his children were enveloped in grief. His eldest daughter, overwhelmed by sorrow, attempted suicide but miraculously survived. In that season of brokenness, the family discovered comfort, peace, and renewed purpose through serving others: working in orphanages, building homes for the poor, and supporting vulnerable children in places like Haiti, Mexico, Uganda, and South Sudan. Service became their pathway to healing and meaning.

Years ago, when our children were preteens and teens, Jane and I took a few intentional weeks as a family to pray and define our top five shared values: Faith, Family, Freedom, Authenticity, and Personal Responsibility. We wrote them down, posted them where we could see them daily, and have sought to align our lives with them ever since.

Jessica’s passing has sharpened that clarity to a piercing point. I now see with unmistakable force that only a handful of things truly matter. And I must pour my time and energy into them, refusing to squander it on the trivial or the temporary.

My focus has narrowed to two simple, eternal priorities. First, spending precious, undistracted time with the people I love most. Second, giving away what I’ve been entrusted with: my time, my resources, my knowledge, my gifts, my talents, to those in need who will steward them for God’s glory.

We have only one life to live. For years, much of mine was consumed with making a living for my family, and I still carry that responsibility. But my heart has turned decisively toward adding value to hurting families and children. So many kids and parents carry hidden pain. They long for genuine love, steady encouragement, and practical wisdom on how to build secure, loving homes.

In a quiet, ongoing way, this is how I keep Jessica close to me and keep her life meaningful every day: by living in service, pouring out love the way I know she would have wanted.

How about you?

Would you pause, perhaps alone in prayer, or together with your family, and honestly ask: What is truly important to me? What will I carry into eternity?

The Bible speaks plainly to this longing:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

— Matthew 6:19-21 (ESV)

The only things that will go with us are people—souls touched, lives encouraged, hearts drawn closer to Jesus. Let’s live in such a way that we make a lasting mark for Him and bring as many with us as we can.